Let Chad’s Presentation Fail (And Save Your Sanity)

Early in your career, you’re rewarded for raw competence: the flawless spreadsheet, the perfect deck, the late nights crossing every t. It makes sense you’d develop a deeply-honed vigilance for being right.

But the further up the ladder, the softer the skills required. There’s a whole other currency that may not show up on your resume: warmth, relationship-building, and EQ. People crash and burn when they can’t regulate their emotions. Brilliant executives derail1 when they lack human connection, even if their deliverables are getting met. Relationship building is the way we build trust. When people trust you, they don’t mind if you make mistakes. When you’re seething, defensive, unregulated and overworked, people don’t see the work you’re doing. They only know how you’re making them feel.

High-achieving women, especially, are socialized to take on more than we can reasonably handle. We spend our lives making sure nothing falls through the cracks at home or at work. If a ball gets dropped, we pick it up. If a presentation is half-baked, we stay late to finish it. Years ago, a friend and I came up with a phrase to describe a way out of this trap: Smile more, do less.

What does it mean to smile more and do less?

You very likely built your career by demonstrating vast competence, technical knowledge, and a dedication to the work. You may have taken on the unofficial role of making sure the action items happen, that every presentation has all the t’s crossed and the i’s dotted.

We watch our less vigilant peers blithely make mistakes while charming their way through the organization. (Nowadays, the kids might say there’s a personality hire exercising weaponized incompetence. Potato PoTAHto.)

We overwork ourselves and start to nurse violent fantasies of stabbing that coworker everyone loves between the eyes with a pencil. And because we are doing work that technically falls on someone else’s plate, we’re mostly not being acknowledged for the extra work at all. We think, “Doesn’t anyone SEE what’s happening here?”

At this point, we have become grumpy and passive aggressive. That personality hire is not only getting away with far less drudgery; everyone wants to hang out with them and no one wants to be around you.

In my work as a coach and a therapist, I tell clients that resentments are a signal that they have an unmet need. At this point, you have many of them to address.

“Smile more, do less” is not about slacking. It’s about taking responsibility for the part of the mire that you can control.2 It’s about setting and holding boundaries, and right-sizing the work so you can introduce more ease into your life and improve your work relationships at the same time. Perhaps the reason that spreadsheet wasn’t perfect is because realistically it did the job and no one is ever going to look at it again. Maybe it’s okay if Chad’s presentation kind of sucks, because that’s not even your work. Chad can be responsible for Chad. If the company doesn’t get the account because of it, Chad (and his boss) can deal with that.

Here’s the structural fact that smile more, do less is built on: people don’t succeed just because they’re really good at paperwork, the grind, even strategy. Even results. People ultimately succeed because other people want to work with them. And no one wants to work with the person who is seething with resentment.

If you’re feeling an angry prickle of resistance right now, I get it. (Write what you know!)

The things you do are technically correct. You are doing more work. But the voice telling you to fix everything is a habit from earlier in your career, the kind of overcompensation that got you here but won’t get you further.

Know this: you don’t need to prove yourself anymore. Everyone already knows you’re competent.

It’s time to step into the next part of your career. The part where you do less, so you can smile more.

Where can you do less?

When I say “smile more,” I’m not talking about performative friendliness. I’m talking about genuine ease — an actual better state of mind that shows up in how you work with people. Do less is a permission structure. Here are some ways to grant yourself that permission:

Make peace of mind a KPI. Right now, work ambition and the ambition to feel better may feel like they’re in conflict. They don’t have to be. Ask yourself what needs you have that aren’t currently being met, and what you can do to bridge that gap. The things that restore you — the run, the hour to yourself, the after work drinks with a friend — aren’t indulgences. They’re necessary tools. The inner voice that says “if you take time for this, you will fail” has it backwards. Try: “if I don’t take time for this, I will fail.”

Prioritize connection over perfection. This means releasing your death grip on the idea that you need to be right. It’s cutting you off from other people. If you find yourself arguing with Chad in your head before you drift off to sleep, it’s time to stop being right and start being curious. There’s a saying in marriage counseling: you can be right, or you can be married. At work, you can be right, or you can have allies. Choose allies. As soon as you’ve set up a situation when one person wins and one person loses, the relationship has already taken the hit. If you’re prioritizing a relationship, you welcome another person’s point of view (even if you think they’re wrong. Especially if you think they’re wrong). Sometimes, people just want to be heard. You don’t have to agree to hear someone out. The act of listening lowers the stakes and eases the path forward.

Ask for help. I’m not saying you’d ever say to your boss, “that’s not in my job description.” I’m not crazy. But you can ask for help prioritizing. “Hey, I’m fully focused on getting the Q3 strategy locked down by Friday. To make sure that stays on track, I need to leave Chad’s presentation entirely with him. If I step in to polish his slides, the strategy deadline is going to slip. Are we aligned on keeping my focus on the Q3 launch?”

Start small. Pick one ball this week that isn’t yours, and watch it hit the floor.

Chad will survive. So will you. But only one of you will be smiling about it.

If you have a friend who is currently staying up until midnight fixing someone else’s slides, send this to them. They probably need the permission to let it drop.

Ready to do this work with a thinking partner? Signal Strength